


Trouble

by ceiland



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Fluff, Found Family, Friendship, Gen, Pre-The Suffering Game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-03-19
Packaged: 2018-10-07 20:28:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10368777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceiland/pseuds/ceiland
Summary: Goofing on Angus is easy. Being a half-decent person? Not so much.(Or: Angus gets caught snooping around the Bureau. Taako has somehow become the one people call to handle these things, despite himself. It ends in learning something, kind of.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> rises out of the void to post something before griffin singlehandedly kills all of us on thursday
> 
> set any time prior to the suffering game, really

If Taako's honest, which is a rarity in and of itself, he kind of forgot that Johan exists. Sure, he knows the guy is around—someone's got to babysit the Voidfish—but it always seems more like background knowledge. Not exactly relevant to daily life. They might run into each other now and again in one of the Bureau's many, many elevators (and doesn't Taako curse Lucas Miller every day for _that_ particular evocative design choice), but other than that? Nope. Taako's attention is typically focused pretty squarely to one half of a venn diagram where each side is labeled 'Taako's Business' and 'Not Taako's Fucking Business', respectively, although it's less of a venn diagram and more two different circles as separate as the moonbase and the planet it orbits.

So getting called down to the pit where they keep that thing, for something outside of business? Weird. Beyond weird, and a little annoying. Nothing against Johan, Taako just hates being interrupted. His heels click on the tile as he steps into the chamber, pointedly avoiding looking much at the Voidfish.

"I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume I'm not here for music lessons," Taako says, as Johan sits at his desk, tuning his violin. Johan doesn't even bother looking up at him.

"Come pick up your kid."

_His_ kid? He blinks, confused, before Angus comes into view, and then the confusion turns into dread. Oh, geez. There is absolutely no way he's going to like any of what's about to be said to him, is there. "I don't know this kid. I've never seen him before in my life. I wash my hands of whatever he did."

"You know me, sir," Angus says, and he's got that look about him that universally represents a kid who just got into trouble. Taako would know—no offense to Angus, but he was the _king_ of getting into trouble. "I'm—"

"Can it, boy detective, I know who you are."

"Whatever," Johan says, still not looking up from his violin. Taako can respect that kind of desolate nonchalance. "He was snooping around the Voidfish's tank."

Unsurprising. If there's anything that could possibly be considered a conundrum on the moon, Angus will find it. And trouble, typically. Taako doesn't know why _he's_ the one people call for gremlin control duty, though. "Angus. Angus beef. Agnes. Augustus. Agnosticism."

Angus doesn't meet his eyes. He at least has the decency to look embarrassed. "...Yes, sir?"

Taako takes a deep breath, before gesturing vaguely with one hand. "Why."

"Well," Angus starts, and Taako can tell this is gonna be a long one. The kid is excitable. "Don't you think it's interesting how we have no idea of... much of anything about the Voidfish, actually? We know what it does, but not why!"

"I've never thought anything in my entire life," Taako says, "but! Just for this situation, I've developed a single-cell brain capable of processing one whole thought. You know what that thought is?"

Angus looks nervous. Johan is ignoring them both altogether. "What's that?" Angus asks.

_"Somebody's gonna get in trouble,"_ he says, singsong, in the manner of everybody who's ever watched another kid get in trouble. Angus doesn't much react, except for pushing his glasses up and straightening his shoulders like he's tough shit. It looks pretty funny on his five-foot-nothing frame.

"Very mature of you, sir. I'm a detective. I've worked with city police on numerous occasions, and I really have solved a lot of cases. I think you're being a little bit patronizing—"

"We can tell the Director, man," Johan says. He sounds like he just wants the two of them to get out of his space, which Taako can also respect, because he too just wants to get out of this space.

Angus's face crumples immediately. "I'm really sorry," he tries. And he sounds like he means it! That's too bad for him, this goof has potential. Taako plays off the foundation Johan has made.

"Nope," he says, exaggerated, turning and making for the door. "Too late! It's the brig for you, my dude. The Director's office first, though. Your choice on which one's worse." It's not like it's actually that big of a deal. It's just that it's easier to foist Angus on the Director than to have to, like, talk to him, and if that means getting to goof on him in the process, so be it. Besides, kids are _gullible_ , and Angus is no exception. Well. Most of the time. ...Some of the time. In times where it can be used to comedic effect, at least. The kid's sharp as a chef's knife when it comes to things of actual importance. Not that Taako will ever admit it, either to himself or to the little brat, but he's actually kind of... proud? of Angus. Ugh. Feelings. Gross and unnecessary.

Angus trudges along behind him, closing the door. "She'll be _disappointed_."

"You should have thought about that before you disappointed her." There's that _fucking_ elevator again. Taako taps the tip of the umbra staff on the floor in impatience. "Have I ever mentioned how much I hate elevators?"

"Every time we enter an elevator, sir."

The elevator doors open. Taako ignores his acquired distaste for elevators to press the button to the Director's floor. "You're gonna have to posit your reasoning to her yourself, pumpkin."

It was kind of funny at first, messing with Angus. Now that he's starting to pout and seem _genuinely upset_ , though, instead of getting indignant like any reasonable little hellion... well. Taako may be an elf with a distinctly nonhuman time scale, and he may also have had no real metaphorical _childhood_ to speak of, but Angus kind of reminds Taako, just a little bit, the slightest bit, of when he himself was a kid. He's going to take that to his goddamn grave, of course, which he might be buried in very soon, because this boy is going to kill him. Taako has an idea that, while sappy and all that other bullshit Magnus likes to promote, runs against the very grain of his whole deal of Avoiding Things Wherever Possible, and sighs.

Yeah, no, Angus is probably gonna kill him. Not intentionally, sure, but through making him care about things, and that's _worse_. At least when people are overtly stabbing you in the back, they don't look at you with _pouty eyes_.

"What if she's _mad_ at me?" Angus says, completely oblivious to the change of heart and moral confliction Taako's experiencing over here on the other side of the elevator. Angus is _biting his nails_. "No, wait. I think it's worse if she's disappointed at me instead of mad. Although, one of the forensics people I worked with back with the police told me that anger is a secondary emotion. Oh, gods. She'll be disappointed _and_ mad at me!"

The elevator doors open. Someone is coming their way down the hallway. When they see Taako in the elevator, they wave for him to keep the doors open. He presses the button to close the doors like his life depends on it, and then, inwardly cursing the Miller line to generations so far back they'd have to use scientific notation to keep track of the number, presses the button to head to the kitchens.

"Sir?" Angus asks, wiping his eye. He's not actually crying yet, thank the forces that be, but he's got that pout on lockdown. This kid should look into show business.

"You're mad book-smart," Taako starts, pointedly ignoring how the words make Angus's whole face light up, "but you're not street-smart. And part of being street-smart is knowing when you're being goofed on, my dude."

Angus takes a moment to process this. When it hits him, he peers up at Taako with a questioning look. "This is the floor for the kitchens."

"Nice deduction," Taako says, making very sure his heels don't get caught on anything as he steps out of the elevator. "They teach you that in detective school?"

"I taught myself." That's another thing him and the kid share. Not the precociousness—Taako was and is a _dumbass_ —but being self-taught. That's part of why Taako can tolerate Angus more than he'll admit. They've both had to _work_.

Angus seems to get excited the closer they get to the kitchens. "Don't get your hopes up, dormouse, no cooking today. But your _fantastic_ teacher is gonna show you something that might make you a little more street-smart. Put that brain of yours to doing something, like, interesting." This is not the first time he's stolen from the pantries, nor will it be the last. Taako takes a quick look around the hallway to make sure nobody's around, then leans up against the wall by the supply closet door.

"You're going to teach me how to snoop more effectively after just getting done making fun of me for snooping?"

"I didn't say not to snoop! I said don't get _caught_."

"You didn't, actually."

"Implications, kid."

He's not entirely sure why he's doing this. It's not like he feels bad over goofing about Angus being in trouble and accidentally making him upset, or anything. It's _definitely_ not because he's starting to enjoy spending time with the kid. You couldn't Zone Of Truth that one out of him, especially because it's absolutely all bullshit and fake, and definitely not the truth. Alternative facts. "If I wasn't about to drop a knowledge bomb, I'd have you be the lookout."

Angus looks curious. He does most of the time, but like, moreso, right now. "Knowledge bomb?"

"I'm not gonna repeat myself, so listen up. The Bureau keeps the pantries locked, mostly because of me, I'm sure, but also because of course they do. I want to get into the pantries. How am I going to do that?" Taako's not sure what would be worse at this junction, being caught sneaking into the pantry, or being caught being nice to Angus.

Angus adjusts his hat. "Lockpicking, sir? I have a lockpicking kit, if you need it."

Taako splutters. "You—no, okay, alright. That's happening now." He shouldn't be surprised, and yet, he is! "And what would I do if I didn't have a lockpicking kit?" He's rusty on that sort of thing. Another thing that could be used to accuse him of going soft.

"Uh. Not sneak into the pantry, like a normal person?" Angus raises an eyebrow.

"I've never been rational in my entire life and you know it." He taps on the pantry door. "The spell I'm gonna show you isn't a cantrip, so it'll be a bit before your boy brain can handle it, but hey. Seeing is part of learning, or whatever." He casts Knock on the door. A loud, well, knock, sounds as the magic undoes the locking mechanism from inside-out. With not a little pride, he steps in, heading straight for those good good wafer cookies. Taako plucks his hat off and just runs his arm down the shelf, pushing all the packages off into his hat.

Angus is beaming when he turns back around. Instead of confronting how that makes him feel like he just did the right thing, Taako hands him one of the stolen cookie packages. "Real talk? This spell has saved my ass _so many times_." Best to gloss over those. "It's called Knock, and you can't knock it. You'll be able to use it soon enough, and then you can start terrorizing the populace even more."

"This will be useful in my detective work!" Angus says, grinning as he takes the cookies. "The spell, not the cookies." He looks like a nerd, missing one of his teeth like that. It's the most cliche display of saccharine cuteness Taako's ever had the misfortune of seeing. Before he can respond, though, the door to the kitchen flies open, and one of the chefs ('chefs', Taako thinks, with not a little contempt) bursts out.

"Oh, hell, not you again," the chef hollers. Taako, fully capable of running in heels, starts off in the opposite direction. Angus, only stunned for a second, isn't far behind.

"Remember how I joked about you being in trouble?" Taako says, holding tight to the hat full of cookies. He _could_ Blink out of here, but that'd be leaving Angus to the wolves, and part of being street-smart is not leaving people to the wolves. Besides. The chef already saw them, there's witnesses.

"Distinctly. It was very rude, by the way."

"Yeah, yeah. Well, uh, looks like we're both in the shit. Your second lesson of the day is how to make a getaway."

 

**Author's Note:**

> knock is a level 2 spell in 5e. angus will get there eventually i'm sure, i believe in him. also while writing this i learned that the difference in wizard spells between 4e and 5e is bullshit? they released 5e literally like six months after i got into d&d playing 4e and that fact is the bane of my life.
> 
> one time when i was a kid my father and brother convinced me that it was a felony to tear the tag off of a mattress and that i was going to jail and that sort of 'you're going to BABY JAIL for BABIES' goof is the essence of this fic. it was very hard to write this while being unable to textually convey the crescendo 'ooooooo' sound a classroom makes when you get sent to the office
> 
> writing this fic in third person limited ruined my life and burned my crops. writing taako is hell and if i screwed up just drop me a line in the comments, any feedback is always super mad appreciated


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